silently....

‘你’

2012-02-08T12:36:00.000-08:00

不确定久别亲吻，感情很容易毁了一个人，

一个人若不够狠，爱淡了不离不弃多残忍。。。

你还是要幸福。。。

不知道如何说起，对你的感觉已经慢慢的淡了，

或许是因为时间，或许是距离，或者是因为其它的原因，

这样的情况是最好的，

毕竟你的心里都容不下这么小小的我，

或许你眼中的我只是好朋友，那么我们就当个好朋友吧。。

如今我你已变得陌生了，

见了面子是微笑的带过，

认识你是一种缘分，

对你的感觉是种错觉，

就把这当作做了个梦，

那就祝福你幸福快乐。。

横高兴正经认识那么一个你。。。。

freely relax saturday

2011-10-01T07:45:00.000-07:00

after the nite "pillow talk", almost everythg since like slowly been forget and bcme relax a bit...thnks to d person korek my secret...haha...although i think not much....

today is d relax day after strt the new sem tis time... i enjoying listen to my fav song and can play it as loud as i can, watching drama, playing badminton and having d ice cream bread as my dinner...and oso crazying giving coment at facebook wall...even suddenly i have anther short name call 酒后flo from my housemate....wah....i love tis so much cz nt ned think of study, family and everything that bother me for so long time ago...i hope tis kind of live can appear in my life everyday...i very appreciate it so much...good memory in my mind...

i hope that i can happier and relaxing more strt from nw...gambateh!!!

请你给我好一点的情敌。。。

2011-09-29T21:30:00.000-07:00

你是我们共同爱上的主题，

只是我并不真的难过，

与他人一起分享所有，

我并不真的害怕，

你的爱左顾右盼牽牽掛掛。。。

a very nice song from my lovely idol~~

a gud n nice song...

realize..

2011-06-13T07:21:00.000-07:00

i just realize tat the tears will automatically drop from the eyes.. is a kind of weird feeling tat will happen everyday when goin into bed. is tis showing the feeling of my heart??? but i just can say tat i really hate tis kind of feeling and especially if the tears drop out from the eyes while there was a people in front of u.. wat a shame thg!! i swear it would not happen again....

i realize oso that i'm start to be not happy as b4..wat a sad thg i dun have place to do all the complaining.. no ppl can really noe wat am i thinking about.. mayb talking to the sea better thn talking to ppl.. especially talking to the person that does not really really understood u just like u expected..

to my dearest fren

2011-03-09T07:24:00.000-08:00

hope that u can recover soon.. seeing u in such a pain really dunno how 2 help u.. just can help wat i cn help n pray 4 u..may u recover soon... i noe u can do it d..u r mentally strong enough to cover d pain that ppl cant see o feel.. really admire ur braveness. but if really cant held on it must say it out.. many ppl are care bout u outside there...we will try d best to help u d!!! gambateh!!!!! really hope u fast2 recover la!!!! thn gt ppl accompany me go gai gai le....hehehe.....jia you!!!!!

a scary nitemare

2011-02-20T21:24:00.000-08:00

just wake up from d scary dream.. i really dun hope this will happen..
i just dream that my very best fren will gone away forever from this world.. somethg happen to her whch she will fall in an accident while driving and d most sad thg is i'm sitting next to her when d accident take place..and i couldn't do anythg n just can wait at hospital.. after that, the doc just tell me tat sorry cz they have done their best..wat d hell...i couldn't imagine if ths situation really happen to me...i think i will sad n cry for a period of time just lik it happen in my dream...
really s**ks!!! OMG!!! pls dun let this thing to be happen in my life although ppl came n leave us is d real life but i dun wan this thing to happen so early.

i just can say tat i really scare of this thing will happen cz mostly my dream will become reality after a period of time..pls pls pls..... this time i dun wan this kind of situation happen...please....

nite dream

2010-10-29T05:49:00.000-07:00

this few day, every nite when sleep, i start on dreaming... this really scare me...because i never continuously dreaming every night before.. dreaming is not bad cz some of d dream is wat i wan, but d worse thg is dream of the situation that i dun wan to see o happen on me...this made me feel uncomfortable... dunno is happy o sad...coz i dream of d thing that i cant find d answer until now..but in d dream....it told me da answer.. when i wake up, i sudd blur a while...thn i just can told myself "it's just simply a dream...dun think too much on it".. but d answer is wat i expected before this,just me myself dun wan to let go.. but start from now...i start to learn d word "LET GO".... just like my fren told me d...if there is d time to forget a thing, thn u should learn how to let it go... dun buried it in ur heart..this will burden ur heart..

i remember wat my fren say..but i just need time...when think bout d dream, n try accept it i feel very sad n wanna cry.....but cnt cz dun wan to let ppl worry wat happen to me...i will try to b brave to handle d thg...

after discussion.....

2010-09-20T04:33:00.000-07:00

haha......about d topic tat discuss b4 this....
fren....
gt ppl asking me..."hw much will u care bout ur fren?"
i answered that person," i care bout each of thm very much, especially those who had become my best fren o those gt a place in my heart".. but i add up,"bcoz i too care bout thm, whn thy din care bout me i will very sad..this is my weakness.."

for me...
i divided fren into 3 groups: normal frens, best fren and another is those fren that can become my listener..
every1 can be my frens n some of these fren will become my best fren after a time if i think thy suitable..but nt all can be a gud listener..nw...i just can say i still finding a gud listener although i oledi gt find one o 2..hahaha......

friends really important in my life..if dun hv friends, i dunno hw can i survive...friends is like air that can let me breath... tat's y i will very of those who really mean to me....so, if they do sth wrong o somethg tat hurt me, i will try my best to forgive them although it is very difficult..i really appreciate every little thg thy give me...but sometimes i found that, not every1 tat u treat thm good, thy will noe o appreciate it...TIS REALLY HURTS!! maybe i'm a selfish person..i need my fren cares me..especially my really2 good fren...dunno y...mayb i really scare of losing thm...SCARE BUT CANNOT SOUND IT OUT...

so whn i sometime moody maybe because of tis....so, i just wanna say sorry if i ever hurt u guys whn i'm moody..hahaha.....

but here is a question that me myself oso dunno wat is d ans...
there is a fren that u really care of..but sometimes when tis fren treat another fren good in front of u, u will feel very sad.. so, izit i'm jealousing o wat?????

anthr is just assume tis fren is a female fren, thn gt another male fren like wooing her, thn u feel very nervous n unhappy, wat does tis mean??? izit scare of losing a fren????

so...i hv many question bout frens topics....really need to learn hw 2 solve all this problems...really headache...

got 1 best fren of mine tat asking me after few yrs, "do u ever think of wat will happen after few yrs whn we graduate n strt wrking n having our own live n mayb stay at different places????" after that, tis fren say to me,"i'm scare" if i din remember wrongly..nw at here...i wanna tell tat fren of mine, i oso ever think of this b4 u asking me n my feeling same as urs too... cz u really really very important to me...wahahahaha...... but i really can say tat, i oso very scare of losing such a gud fren that oso a gud listener (although sometimes u r not)... i hope u noe who i refering to if u gt saw tis post...

that's all for tis time..hehe

come discuss...

2010-08-26T07:46:00.000-07:00

today.....
suddenly a word 'friend' appears in my mind....
n when i was driving, my fren oso suddenly say 'tat is a fren should do'....
but this F R I E N D word keep troubling n spinning around my head after tat...
i keep asking myself....what kind of ppl can categorized as a friend, best friend or even buddies/sister.....
if a person tat u think is fren wat is d maximum thg tat thy can do it 4 u???? it comes same 2 best fren n buddies/sister....

so at here, i wanna ask somebody o u tat r seeing my blog nw....wat is d meaning of a fren n fren is 4 wat d???? i think every1 gt their own understanding of tis kind of relationship call friendship....
if u dun mind...thn can share with me....

n another question is about myself......
for u(who seing my blog now), wat do u think about me???? am i a gud fren, bestfren o sister????

just wanna noe wat ppl think of me although i owez say i din care hw the way others look at me o think of me....but nw i suddenly become so sensitive and wanna noe bout it.....hahahaha.......
mayb i just wanna noe wat kind of person am i in others ppl mind....hehe...

am i 'GOOD??? BAD???? NICE???? o others????' .........

.....

2010-08-18T06:17:00.000-07:00

siting here in front of my laptop, doin nothing lol.....
owez feel very sien whn stay at hostel mostly after d dinner time!!!!
OMG!!!! WAT A STUPID WEIRD GAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

somethg is pushing me nw...but dunno wat...myb stress...hehe...i will never noe wat i am thinking day by day...haih...mayb someday i think i will push myself into trouble lol..mayb become "chee sin" oso gt d probability...

somebody can come n goyang me n made me clear of wat i wan d ma???? cz i think i really will goind crazy if continue lik think... every day lik nothing happen but in deeply in my heart lik gt a heavy stone on in making me very difficult to breath... especially when im alone o in d middle of nite....

plus more in malacce, dun hv any 1 suitable place 4 me 2 shout lol....i really miss my hometown MIRI so much...n my fren there tat can listen to wat im talking.. i ned a gud listener lo... i find tat it is hard to find a real,trustworthy and a gud listener fren....

bla bla bla...i oso dunno wat im writing nw...feel very complicated in my mind n heart...
SHIT!!!!!! wat a damn mind!!!!! so terrible feeling..... i goin to be crazy soon!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ps: don be a gud person to ppl n dun 2 to mind about ppl thinking of u o hw thy treat u lol.... tis will heart urself nia d.....so i wanna bcme a cruel person strt from nw......hahahahahahaahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahaha

"放开那些事与愿违放开那些是是非非转过身已走远.."

"不敢问却一直想问你心里藏着什么人不敢猜却一直想猜"

share a bit of my photo(2)

2010-08-08T07:43:00.000-07:00

at miri........

celebrating rui yih's birthday at "sport cafe" a nice place....hehe

at "season ktv"@ banana's b'day

with anther leng lui='cactus'
yummy baked cheese rice....leeting!!! ur mouth really big la...hahaha

share a bit of my photo...(1)

2010-08-06T06:49:00.000-07:00

my dear PIg jie jie....hehehe....is a very leng pig lo...hahahaha
miss da day went out wif her so much...although she owez bla bla bla....better thn silent...

jalan2 cari makan at malacca with a part of FKP's gals

with my anther sis...panda sis...hahahaha...
oppsss...dun say 2 loud...shhhh...

yeahhh....here comes d process gals....beauty,beauty n lastly cutie...hahaha

still gt many pic...hehe...to b continue d...hehe

who cares wat i feel...

2010-08-03T06:37:00.000-07:00

if every1 say do u care bout some1's feeling, wat are the 1st thing that will occur in ur mind???? it seems lik a simple question that u can directly answer "yes,i got" or "nope,i doesn't care at all"....both of the answer will give a suspen to the ppl who ask u d question.

for me,i maybe will answer "does it a matter tat i care o not?? cz if i say care, there is very sure got someone will say tat "really??? why i never think so?" or "huh?? u will care about others feeling d meh???" mostly will heard a sentence lik tat.. ooh GOSH!!!! this is wat so ever call human thinking....

sometimes, when there is a time tat u really wanna show that u really care bout 1 person feeling but u will scare later u use the wrong way and this can cause mistake...so,it is a difficult choice to care o not care bout a person feelings...

there is another cases where u really care about a person feeling which when the person either in a happy o moody, u can c the situation n decide hw 2 communicate with thm.. but somehow, thy will dunno..bcz human are selfish..thy just think bout themselves is owez the right one n u r owez d wrong one. anther cases where, u care d person feeling, but the person owez will dunno wat r u feel right nw.. thy doesn't realize that u r happy, sad, o in trouble.. oh ya...mayb tis kind of situation can b analyze as the person not really treat u good n doesnot care on u at all...so u can just save ur time and energy from caring about such a person...just love urself a bit more....

that's is wat all i think until now...maybe i am also a very selfish person...i admit it...cz in this world who din selfish??? n i just can say tat take care of others ppl feeling really made a person so damn tired.. who can teach me bcme a really cool person???? hahaha.....
or my i ask a stupid n silly question????
" does there any ppl really care bout what i think until now?"

by d way, i think this song gt a few sentences that really say out wat i feel in this time......

“你让我一夜长大
见识到人性真假
想说的话找不到人说话
风静静吹着我的心成流沙。。”

a nice song by desiree tan...

anger

2010-04-21T01:44:00.000-07:00

all my feelings is in the unstable condition, i dunno since when it has started but sometimes i really cant control my emotion that i am anger of somethings.. but those anger i tried not to show it out to others.. so until nw just a few of ppl know it.. anger is really a scary things.opps!!! not things, but a feeling or just can said it as emotion that comes out from ur heart,mind and soul.
sometimes an anger of a person will makes the person looks scary. i thinks almost all the ppl will look very scary n fierce when its anger reach to the limit. so, how does it can be control??? haha...mayb by eating some ice cream to cool down ur mind b4 u doin sth wrong with ur anger....hahahaha...
so, every1 should noe hw 2 handle their anger b4 it getting worse including me... mayb i need some consultant from ppl to noe wat i am thinking about n teach me the rite way to go o do...hehe....
just a bit bored n childish feeling when writing this passage...

cnt sleep....insomia..

2010-03-16T08:33:00.000-07:00

1st time: before this i just feel wanna somebody give me a hug in the morning... dunno y...just a sudd feel.... at nite, i told my roommate that at morning i suddenly wanna hug from ppl, thn she just ask me y???? i oso dunno... but at last b4 she go sleep, she giv me a hug...haha...although is just 4 a few seconds...but it's made me feel warmly, n safety i think... hahaha.....by de way, thanks 4 ur hug my dear roommate although made me bcme a pipe after that..hehe....but i feel nice...

2nd time: i just sleep 4 2 hours at noon n i though that i could sleep oso at nite cz i owez can sleep well although gt many thgs ned 2 solve...but tat day....something goin wrong on me.... at nite, i plan wanna sleep cz i feel tired...but whn i lay on my bed 4 about 20minutes, i felt that i cant sleep at all...thn i told my mate, she oso feel de same....but we also switch off the light n try to sleep...we just chating so tat can chat until tired but dunno y i sudd very emotional... mayb becoz of tis few weeks feel very sad n stress or watever.... tis is the longest time in my life tat my tears drop down uncontrolable until even i myself cnt stop it...i think it has remain until 1 hour lik tat... i try to ask myself to stop but it doesnt help although i tried to think of anythg more happy n relaxing situation... at last it stop n i feel very tired n my mate oso accompany me until my situation calm down although she sleep above me while i sitting below the double storybed... just feel 'paiseh' to her cz making she feel uncomfortable n accompany me the whole nite although she just asking 'are u ok oledi' n just quiet there without saying anythg....just thanks.....

anyway...
just hope i can try my best to be happy....hehe...
although i just try to cover my tears behind it....
hope any1 that i had been hurt by me when i doin sth o say sth will forgive my attitude during tis time...mayb just few ppl of it...hehehehe......

goodbye

2010-03-04T05:56:00.000-08:00

27.02.10
am 01:04
receive call from dad...
saying that grandma already leave us..
to the place far away...
maybe reunion with grandpa...
nobody noe....
asking should i bac??
answer is no need...
just dun wear those red colour cloths....
ok...
hang up my phone...
nothing happen..
after few seconds.....
my tears suddenly fall out from my eyes while watching drama.....
crying even myself cant control it...
a few minutes pass by...
stop crying...
calm down...
but.....
still cant controll,
cry again....
this is the 2nd time longest crying in my life since the last time i cry....
just realize tat my feeling for my grandma after so many years until she leave us...
so dissapointed of myself....
just can say goodbye n enjoy ur journey at another place...
RIP to my beloved grandma...

= =

2010-02-21T20:37:00.000-08:00

oledi past a week tat my grandma sick... all my family take turn to take care of her day n nite... i just can sit here n wait news frm my parents bout my grandma... she become weaker n weaker n tis few days..all my aunts still wanna quarrel in this situation... dunno hw is my grandma feeling whn she heard thy all quarrel at outside.. she even cnt talk, just can move her hand to show tat she wan o dun wan anythg when we ask her... really sad n feel unwell whn c her lik tat..
last nite, my mum just said tat my ah ma still ok cz thy all find the 'qi gong' master to help my ah ma....but, just now my mum call n said tat my ah ma has been send 2 emergency room at noon just now bcz of she condition bcme poorer n white bubbles came out frm her mouth... until now dunno hw is her condition... we all just can wait n cant do anythg... feel useless......
hope ah ma can be fine....

cny feeling...^ ^

2010-02-11T07:28:00.000-08:00

finally finis exam before the holiday 4 CNY.... hehehehehe....
feel very happy n really,really,really very excited to wait the day of my flight to come!!!! cn go bac 2 visit my grandparents n all my lovely uncle n aunt...hehehe....and also my parents 2.....
just wanna 4gt everything in past n start a new memory n days in future!!!!!! yipeee!!!!! hope can really do so...hahaha
i wanna go 2 DAMAI BEACHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! hahaha...
wait 4 me to cum oo, damai beach...hahahahahaha......
all my frens in MIRI, haha.....tis is the 2nd yr u ppl dun hv chance cum my house to eat my mum de delicious food n cake again.....hahaha....nvm, wait ya!!!!! i try my best to go bac miri next yr!!!! so...... dun complain so much lo, n dun tooooooooo miss me.....hahahahahaha....... but better u ppl prepare angpow 4 me....hehehehe
love u all lo.......
HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR TO ALLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

miss??? missing???? just screaming!!!!!!!

2010-01-22T06:51:00.000-08:00

if nw in ur heart u have the word miss sth o some1, i should say congrats to u... cz u have find some1 to miss....
but if u add the ing in miss, it becomes missing... missing??? tis means u missing some1 that oledi gone izit???
for me now, i dunno whether my heart is miss or oledi missing some1 that has oledi step into my heart n gone away just lik tat.. just can say that my heart nw gt a bit empty...hahaha
dun ask y, i just a strange feeling dunno since when it start...
just need somebody tat can really really care of me no matter in wat situation..mayb tis is the things tat all gals need.... cz.... i really scared tat tat my attitudes b4 bcome more bad than b4.. tis is bcz those fren around me also gt realize tat my emotion,EQ, oledi not hgh as b4.. dunno y... i also realize this b4.. but wat can i do??? wan find some1 tat really listen to my problem n tears in heart... but tat person really hard to find... if u say fren also can help... it is true, but ned to c wic kind of fren.. gt some just listen thn doesn't have any reaction o option o giving advice to u.. some of it was just hear n say u think too much, also gt those fren look lik very care of u but at the end they tell the other ppl about ur secret... that's y nt 100% all ur problem n secret can be share with fren.....
if u say family, i just can say tat dun bother thm too much...cz for them u already bigger and can handle all ur problem urself.. so....
anthr way is go some place that u can scream loudly as u can... hahahahaha...............
so....lets scream 2gthr at her.....
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

just wan to share..

2009-12-31T08:54:00.000-08:00

‘怎会被一杯咖啡打翻了整个深夜都不能入睡
怎麽会哼起了某一首歌就以为那是对的安慰
我很想只盖着我的棉被假装我不怕黑
卸下我的防备变成了灰
我还要谢谢你分享了狼狈
怎麽会是一种罪彻底将回忆灌醉潇洒的乾杯
我怎麽会想忘记某一个人到头来时间都被浪费
我很想只背着我的guitar 剪掉长的头发
放弃我的挣扎你讨厌我吧
我还要谢谢你成全了眼泪

曾经我是你的那个最挚爱的那个
嘴边经常挂着你想念的我
如今谁是你的那个
你转身以后我就没打听过
原来我也是你那个伤了心的那个
被你忽略的事我不想再说

我不是那个那个那不是我’

tis lyrics really2 gt meaning 4 me n very sad feeling after hear it...
so i just wanna to share with all....

new sem new year new hope

2009-12-29T17:14:00.000-08:00

starting a new sem n a new year for me in tis few days....

tis new sem gt a bit bored, i dunno y.. mayb is my feeling for study become nt so strong.. but wat can do.. i oledi made a decision to study so must continue it until finis...

i dunno y when it comes the time tat i very sad, no 1 will trust me include my best fren.. they though i'm kidding wif them.. but in fact, i'm telling the truth straight from my heart. mayb for them, i am the happiest n doesn't have something to worry o sad about.. but in the moment i have many things that they dunno i worried n sad.. just for example, the holiday before this new sem start.... i dunno y i suddenly like losing many many things around me.. include my patient... i become more emotional, frens getting far far away from me... izit i oledi change my attitude to them n they start thinking that i'm not the person they meet last time.............

tis made me feel lik wanna dissapear for a few days o few months.... but i dun have the courage to tat so.. really a loser in everything, no matter in relationship, friendship or kinship.... maybe i need to wash my brain 1st to 4gt everything that unhappy in my life starting from now on..

i just wanna to throw out all my feeling in this blog.....

hope in tis new year new sem i can find myself deeply n someone that know me... hope i can forget the sadness in the past n fight for the new future!!!!!!!!!

可惜，不过没关系

2009-10-26T03:15:00.000-07:00

朋友。。。

朋友，好朋友还是知己？？

你找到了吗？我找到了，可是不知他们对我是真心还是在利用我，

可能有几位是在利用我，不过没关系，还没到我的l极限。。

心意。。

不是每个人都会去了解得一回事，

只要有心对方就会感受到，

就算没感受到别伤心，

终有一天他会发现的。。

关心。。

不必说出口就个能然对方知道是一件很难的事，

只要对方了解你，明白你的所作所为就好了，

并不是每个人都会关心和被人关心。。

感觉。。

每个女生都有第六感。。

大多数的女性都会跟着他们的第六感自觉走，

可惜不是每个的第六感都是对的。。。

心情。。

心情就像大海的浪一样，

偶尔好偶尔坏，自己也不知道是对还是错，

一个人的心情会影响周围的人的心情，尤其是你爱的或爱你的人，

一旦你不开心他就会慌张，想方法去领你开心，怕你难过，流泪，不说话，尤其是对他。。

记忆。。。

记忆是痛苦的还是快乐的？？

是不是有些事还是放不下？？到底是什么？？

还是想忘记某些人，倒都来时间都被浪费。。。

这是每个人都会经过的事，很可惜的是没有好好珍惜每分每秒，

不过这些都没关系，我会用我的心来感受和了解未来的事和人，

希望我可以做得到。。。

unwell""

2009-10-20T01:58:00.000-07:00

wat a day...feel unwell since yesterday bcz of tired??? i oso dunno.. maybe bcoz my 'best fren' come visit me le tis morning... n plus the tiredness tat start frm last friday... but the most sad thing is 2day i gt a lab test.... tis lab is the worse lab ever bcz i really dunno wat the lab lecturer teach start frm the begining...haih... n finally just nw i go to attend d test... huh... just lik my sixth sense tell me d... i will dunno hw to do... n the time tat given was nt enough.... i onli have 25minutes to do it... at last i just pass up de paper n din fill all de blank... i lost my 5 marks le by din fill in d blank... but nt plus all the mistake i did... i just can say tat tis subject i mayb will not score A already... wat a fate.... really dissapionted in myself.. hw can i so useless!!!!!!! now near to the final exam le..... come on, wake up la FLORENCE!!!!!!!!

birthday memories.....

2009-10-02T07:19:00.000-07:00

this is the 2nd time i celebrate my b'day far away from my hometown. how to say... it is quiet dissapointed to me cz i actually plan wanna goin bac hometown to celebrate it wif my parents n frens thr..but wat can do..it is oledi a fact tat i can't bac..(sad.. -_-) and tis year my b'day is the same date wif the 2nd day or 3rd day of raya..so it is a holiday..when b'day is fell on a day which is a holiday, it made me feel uncomfortable.. cz... u will dunno hw to plan ur day. n tis year i just can say tat i feel like sth dissapear or not fulfill.

anyway... thanks for my lovely roomate tat celebrate wif me during the day cz i stay at her house during whole raya holiday.. thanks ya although it is nt so suprise n bigger celebration...just wanna sincerely thanks 2 everything u done o gv me..

n tis year wat i din expected is whn the time reaches 11.59pm on 21.09.09, many of my fren sms their blessing to me include those i din think they will remember my b'day.. thanks 4 remembering the day n let me noe tat i still have u guys..

nw just remove to the present tat i receive.. haha..dunno y, this yr i seems like not enough jewellery.. cz..almost all the present is sth lik necklace, bracelet, pendent, ring... haha..but thanks 4 all those lo..i will try my best to wear it la..haha.. especially those present post from my hometown de..hehe

at last..wanna thanks to my coursemate... coz giv me another suprise when we went to gunung ledang to play at the noon after my b'day past 4 a week le.. tis is the 1st time ever i celebrate b'day in water haha... i din expect tis will hapen d...a nice celbration although it is simple.hehe..thanks to all ya!!!

hope all my dreams will come true!!!!!!! really......

thanks to all my lovely dear friends....love u guys very much!!!!!

uncontrolled tears....

2009-08-20T23:03:00.000-07:00

tears....

ish..my shit damn tears!!!!!

this is the first time tat my tears flow out uncontrolled in front of such many people... even my best friend just seen me cry once in so many years.....feel very bad tat y i can't control my tears.... wat an useless n..come on..please be more brave ok??? hush...

y i will cry on tat day?? i also not really understand it by myself...it maybe because of many things happen continuos which have made me very stress...

n i even dunno y i try to calm down on tat day but i can't. my tears just like a water valve which already broken n cant close. add on got some stupid person had made me angry in the early morning. walao.. after came bac to hostel i feel lik need find somebody tat can hear i complain this n tat especially comfort me not so sad. but after i find one of my friend, i finally cry out without any reason. the friend of mine really ask me to cry ask much as i can. if cant cry out just listen to the sad song thn will cry my fren told me... it really works.. huh.. but i dun think that i had release all tension and watever thing that made me so sad cz at that nite also, i was crying in my bed b4 sleeping.. but still ok la..cz gt a fren tat comfort me n made me laugh so tat i will not think too much..

feeling bad in this whole week coz so many assigment, test, and proposal tat ned to do n ned to pass up. until i ned to do all the work until early morning. but this also a good way for me so that i will not think so much n feel lik wanna crying again. i really cant describe what kind of sadness that i had. it just a simple word..SAD...

just very appreciate to those who are really concern bout me when i'm in sadness n unhappy...

thanks...hope i can recover as soon as possible...

shoulder.......heart.......

2009-08-12T03:10:00.000-07:00

shoulder....

why i ned to talk bout shoulder???

it is because now i really ned a shoulder for me to rest a while so tat i can continue my life...

this feeling start since my uni reopen for this semester...i couldnt tell u why..coz this is the feeling tat i feel until now...mayb because of many things happen and made me wanna run away from it...

plus...i'm gonna temporary losing one of my dear damn best fren in this world which will be leaving malaysia soon to further study.. we have been bout 2yrs din meet each other after our SPM.... so miss her voice and everything....i just can sit here and pray for her...i dunno when still can meet her again....miss u so much n ur care to me....i will remember it in my heart...

i dunno izit same for everyone tat want to find a suitable shoulder for us to rest and comfort us is more difficult than wat we think...izit we ned to search around or it is just in front of u but u din realize it?

really difficult to say this feeling by writting it out...

do u ever feel empty in ur heart until u wanna cry in the middle nite as u can?

this kind of feeling suddenly happen on me this few days.....maybe is my heart already too heavy le and cant support too much things again...hahahahaha....

070509

2009-05-12T01:58:00.000-07:00

it as been a period that i din write my blog already from the previous blog.. i have so many things tat i ned to share but i noe it will be very long..so..i will separately write it so tat my blog will not so long,haha..i just put the date as the title when i feel i want to write blog..

dunno y i gt a strange feeling where i dunno any1 of u ever gt tis kind of feeling or not.. how to say it ar... erm..if a people which is stay close in front of u everyday but the conversation of two of u in one day not until 10 times but they will noe wat u feel right now or vice versa.. this kind of situation seems like very weird to me and make me got a bit scare of it.. dunno scare about wat just can say it i am SCARE.. haha... maybe u will think i very funny... dunno tis is call wat..

maybe it is a situation call two of u very close to each other but feel like stranger... i dunno tis kind of feeling is good or bad cz it really made me headache for many days.. i just hope tat i m thinking too much at that moment...haha...

anyway.. i noe starting my holiday at jb then kuching and at last bac to my hometown,miri... hope that kind of feeling will dissapear very soon.. hope my holiday is full of interesting memory...

problem=>coward

2009-04-17T18:55:00.000-07:00

did u ever think about coward??

what does coward means??

izit everyone were cowardly or just only me??

erm..i think mostly people were coward when facing some problem which really brings a lots of trouble..

just can say that i'm the person who always want to run away from everything that i dun want to face.. i already run away from many things once i decide to further my study at other places except at sarawak which i think i dun have anytime for me to relax my mind..

i hope my decision is right until now even future..but things sometime cannot going so easily..

as long i still am i, there must many problem that ned me to face it and solve it myself..why i always need to solve those problem by myself??? why dun have anyone that can help me solve my problem or guide me to made a right decision??? this hope will not easily happen and just think that i still day dreaming of the day comes.

really,really miss the children days which i not ned to think so much and can play around... but i know that the day will not repeated again...

hope all the decision that i had made will not made me dissapointed and it is better if got someone that really knew and concerned about me appear and help me or give me a direction so that i not ned to be so coward when facing a problem..........

hope i can find back my high EQ back which i realize recently my EQ really low.....

"LUCK..."

2009-04-06T19:07:00.000-07:00

everyone in this world have their own luck either good or bad. there are no one which is exactly having the 100% good or bad luck.. this luck is happen naturally or it is just the luck that we find ourself? or it is just a fake that god has decide for us? i did not wish for a 100% good luck but i just wan everything happen in a good situation so that i don't need to worry about so many things in my life no matter is in my study, friends, family and also my job in the future.

maybe all those things that happen on me is my life n luck, dunno me is luckily or what.. coz most the time when i were facing into some trouble, but at the end, the problem can be solve easily which i not really will realize it..so,am i a lucky person??

but this does not made me too proud of it coz mostly i feel all those things were unreal and many things will come over it... so dun too believe in everything that had happen too u either good or bad.... so dun 2 proud of whatever that u had dun it before u know the final answer.....

cheating and stubborn

2009-03-22T09:35:00.000-07:00

why people must cheat each other in this world? izit cheating another is for their own good? how does u feel when someone which u treat them nicely has cheat u plus u noe they was cheating at that time? izit feel good?

for me, i really hate cheating especially people tell lies to me and that person is the one i knew him/her very much. what a such stupid thing!!! they already knew that i very very very hate people tell lies, cheating and betray on me but they still do it. and it is so funny where they let me find out that they was cheating me. what a funny things!!! wat can i do...haih... i just can pretend like i dunno anything so that can avoid many problems..i hope there is no more second time...

hope so...

another thing is why some of the guy really stupid and stubborn when they were going to make a decision?? izit so difficult for them to make a right and correct way before start to take action? why they owez will make the decision that will cause people surrounded them worrying???

huh.....i dun think i can continue write this coz will cause me even more angry.......

sickness

2009-03-10T02:45:00.000-07:00

what a new ox year!! just only march i already sick and it is twice in a week!! unbelieveable!!

what the hell is this?? firstly just fever,flu and sore throat thn i go 2 c doc and take medicine.. when i almost feel better, who noe i having food poisoning where i cirit birit and vomit on yesterday!! how can lik tat? although i will have a big sick once in a year, but tis time really made me feel worse plus on today i have my statistic quiz and my titas test! i din ready 4 all of tis before coz i sleep early last nite whn i feel uncomfortable and feel lik pening.. tis is the first time tat i feel really headache of my sickness.. if my family was here with me right nw that was so excellent, but i will never happen.. about the cirit birit and vomit, i din tell my parents although one of my fren ask me to tell thm but the day before i cirit i just tell them tat i already feel better about my flu and fever. i scare them will worry again so i din dare to tell them about this.. just start feel like miss my home very much and all dishes that my mum cook..but i still ned 2 wait about 2 months like that to go back 2 my hometown..

back to the sickness, i really hope that can be better faster and faster coz i dun like tis kind of feeling right now..hope really can better when i wake up in the next morning..haha

happy....sad

2009-03-02T18:12:00.000-08:00

ermmm.... how 2 say tat i am happy? i really feel happy when i join the camp tat had been organized by our faculty which go 2 hulu langat, selangor. a very nice place, a small kampung and no stress. our camp is at lembah pangsun resort and it is 3 days 2 night camp. although i gt a bit experience going to camp when i was at miri, but this time for me is really different coz i not going with my friends which always go 2 camp with me at miri, but is going with my roomate and her coursemate.. dunno how is the feel, coz 1st time going with other ppl thn my fren..hahaha( my roomate and her fren look like ladies...)

just before i continue write my blog, i just wan to tell tat the upper part tat i wrote before i went to school..the feeling was not the same like at the morning coz i just came bac from my exam at night plus i stay at the school the whole day..now my mood gt a bit down bcoz of the exam plus i not feeling very well start from tis morning which i found tat i was having a bit cough and sore throat. really...

ok, let's us continue.. bout the camp..hmmm...once again i involve in jungle trekking since after graduate from stpm..tis can estimate tat i gt improve o not thn before coz already din go to tis kind of activities 4 a long period.. as i expected, i really can go until the top of the hill by myself..hahaha..tat's mean i still stay at my standard before.. the jungle tat i went tis time is different coz at the top of the hill there gt the waterfall..wao!!! tat is really nice and i gt go 2 play water with all my coursemate and the water really COOL!!

after the jungle trekking, we gt another activities..which some of it were lik playing flying fox and lake crossing..really nice..hahaha..still gt many activities again lik LDK and others.. besides that, i spend the time at the camp with some of my coursemate and i knew them more better than before and closer thn before..really appreciate it..haha

tat's all i can say bout my camp.. from beginning i was feel very happy when came back from the camp but on the next day, i suddenly feel very sad.. i feel i am very useless after one of my best fren suddenly find me trough MSN saying tat wan 2 meet me and really ned my comfort at tat time..i just need at about 2 hours journey thn we can meet..but i really cannot go at that time...

oh gosh...dunno how to say the situation at that time..really make me feel very worried about my fren situation at there..i hope tat i can really go in tis few days or weeks although i am busy now, what can i do for it?? i must find out a time tat i can go there.. really wan..

got a sentences saying tat happiness is always shorter than sadness.. nw i believe in that.. we must appreciate every moment of happiness we had before it turns to sadness which we unexpected..

so,

GAMBATEH MY DEAR!!! DUN GIVE UP!! I WILL OWEZ SUPPORT U AND FORGET ALL THE PAST AND PREPARE FOR UR LONG JOURNEY IN THE FUTURE!!!!!!! MUACKSSSZZ

stupid!!!Sh**!!

2009-02-19T06:56:00.000-08:00

wat a terrible, worse and bad day!!!

haih..i just can say my sixth sense really 90% accurate...

2day is my statistic mid term test...as the result, it is lik all i expected 2day...not really good as i think... wake up in the morning 2day i oledi feel like somethings will going wrong with my test 2day, a bad feel like really difficult.. i was nervous 2day, and my fren tell me maybe is i put a high target on myself and make me feel scare later cannot do in the exam... maybe is like that or maybe is me din really do well preparation 2 attend this exam...haih..

wat can i do?? just feel not very happy on myself after i came out from the examination room..

but after i get a call from my parents, i feel a bit ok already coz just at that moment i will stop to think all my study things and chat with them about other subject.... just pretend like a child that ask 4 this and that..hahaha..really childish...maybe, when in front of my parents...

i really hope that i can be childish all the time...so that not ned 2 think so much anymore.....

i need to stop here coz i need to continue my homework and i din feel very well to continue again....

A tired day but enjoy!!

2009-02-15T19:29:00.000-08:00

OMG!!!

i just can write my blog nw coz yesterday really tired until cannot even talk so much with other and today have class 2 attend whole day..

can u imaging tat a ppl just slept 4 4hours 2 wake up in the early morning 2 join the club outing activities?? that's me and my frens..hahaha..

early in the morning which sun haven rise up, we wait 4 bus at the U-TURN way and attract a police car passing by us asking us wat we do at thr?? hahaha.. realli funny..they though us want 2 do wat early in the morning?? haha..really funny

so.. we went to the Taman Botanikal 2 take nice photo in the early morning..that's ok coz i already long time din really breath fresh air after start schooling in this year..haha it is gud 4 our health,believe me!! u will know when u go to that place..many ppl were jogging and u even also can saw many monkeys playing,jumping and climbing around the trees..it's really cute!!

all of us ned 2 take photo in 2 hours n my group gt 7 ppl including me n we have onli 1 camera..

so,we ned 2 share share lo..but me was the last person who use the camera 2 capture image in the last 20minutes( i think so)..u think wat kind the picture can i took?

this is 1 of my picture <>

nvrmind although this made me feel a bit angry but it also let me c the faces of ppl..and i'm enjoying 2 play and walk around with my roomate while waiting for the camera.

after the 2 hours, we moved to our next destination whr is at kubu A'Famosa which gt the building they call it 'red house'. this time i'm the 1st person who take the camera coz i ned to finis capture the image thn i can go shopping!!hahahaha (near the place gt 2 shopping complex)

all the journey were very fun although it is a hot wheather but still gt someone have spoil a bit of my mood!! hehe..whatever, i and my roomate din went bac by school bus..we go 2 have our lunch at McDonald's which is our replacement meal 4 valentine's day..hehe..

my lunch..just finis eat it..so full!!hehe

after meal we went to shopping. we have walk 4 almost 3hours and more..i can feel the pain and tired of my leg..but wat can do?? shopping is 1 of girl most interested hobbies!!!!

at the nite, we cooked spaghetti as our dinner. this is my first time cooking spaghetti without using onion and oil..but it still taste better..haha..

it is really a tired day but can gain more memory and experience..and my stomach really full of yummy meals...hahahahaha...

"SAD"

2009-02-07T23:56:00.000-08:00

this year was my first year celebrating my chinese new year without my family and all my dear friends at miri. of coz this was make me feel very unhappy and dissapointed coz this year all my friends study at other places went back to hometown 2 celebrate new year. i can imaging how was the new year going at hometown when all my friends visiting others house and take their 'angpau'.. i celebrate my new year at my roomate grandpa's house this year.. got a bit not really 'biasa' coz not my own house..hahaha..but anyway i still feel their happiness especially childrens... their new year were very crowd coz all their relatives came back 4 few days.. just can said is my unexpected cny 4 this year...

1 week holiday 4 cny goes very fast...& i ned 2 start my days with study, study and STUDY.....

did anyone will feel sad suddenly without any reason??? coz my situation now is like that while writing this blog... can anyone tell me why will like that? any reason? huh...

sometimes maybe because of many things that suddenly come in 1 time make me feel uncomfortable.. if got chance i really want to dissapear so that no people can find me and i not need 2 think of so many things..dissapear 1 day also enough, but i know this will not happen in my real life..coz i need 2 be a very responsible person which cannot just leave over all those things like that..

become a human is fake, become a good daughter and sister is responsible,become a nice friend is a problem, become a student is my job, actually become a human is really DIFFICULT!!!!!

anyway, i hope everything in this new year, new life, new day and new time will go smoothly!!!!!

wish every one dreams come true and stay healthy in this year 2009 especially my family and friends!!!!

once again HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR and CHAP GOH MEH 2 everyone!

nice experience

2009-01-14T05:34:00.000-08:00

yesterday my university make an announcement to have a half day school break. but this doesn't mean that all of us can enjoy the half day break..u know why we have a half day break?

i guess u people also don't know..haha.. we have been asked by our HEPA to join the forum of the cruelness of Israel agaisnt Palestine at MITC Malacca. the night before that day, me and some of my friend were bothering bout either we want to join it or not coz not many chinese student will join the thing like this..haha

and finally me and 3 of my chinese friend decide to go coz we wan 2 see how is the forum look like.so we wake up in the early morning 2 follow our school bus 2 go to MITC. we reach there at about 845am like that but the forum haven't start yet and we have saw some student from other university also got join. when we have walked reach the MITC front door, we all have a shock by something. do u know what had made all of us shocking? let u ppl see the pictures below:

do u know who is this person?firstly i really dunno and din realize.this is the Israel's leader!!!!!! &

did u see the Israel flag?? OMG!! they just put it on floor in front of door so that we all can "pijak" it.. unbelieveable!! we all though it was a simple forum.....

not only that, when we enter the hall, at first we though not many people join this forum coz still got many empty seats which doesn't been full by people..but when we knew that the forum start at 10am, it is really sh*t coz our school memo tell us that it start at 9am like that. so we all ned to go early.. haih, wat can do? we already reach here and we just have to wait coz no other choice for us. when almost 10am, more and more people came in from outside. some of them were other school student like politeknik, persatuan belia, PLKN, and many more but mostly the student were came from my school. oh ya! beside that, most staf from our school also got go and the staff from the jabatan kerajaan and MCA.

this is the scene when we reach there. very empty ho..haha ( pic got a bit blur )

getting more and more people coming

when the forum start

when the forum start, the speaker start to shout their slogan 'hancur hancur Israel, hidup hidup Palestine', 'hancur hancur yahudi, hidup hidup gaaza' and many more such they shout israel is syaitan, jahanam, ziolis and many more.... we all have been ask 2 stand up and shout 2gethr with them. this 'shouting ceremony has been last bout 30 to 40 minutes..

after that they also got invite the Palestinian which stay at malacca 2 go to the stage and shout those slogan. there were bout 21 of them. all of the were very full of energy and anger to shout the slogan. especially those malay guy. i heard from others that almost more than 10k people join this forum that day. mostly are malay..

we all din sit at there longer coz my baby stomach keep calling me..(hungry) haha..so we all went back after they shout the slogan and where the YB of malacca have reach there..hahahaha

when we went out from that hall, there also got many people at outside some of them were reporters, bodyguard and police. and there was a long table which got put a long white kain and few markers for us 2 sign up our name and anything we want to write for support palestine.

of coz, for all of us who like sign up our 'nice' signature, we feel very excited.hahahaha.... when we want to sign our name at 1 part of the kain, we saw a sentence which sound like this,' cib** israel'.... they really hate the israel...

after that of coz we went to eat lo...hahaha and almost the way 2 MITC u will find they put up a poster like this....

this appear along the way to MITC

peace!!!!! no war...taken in the bus

seems like very enjoy ho.......hahahahaha

this is a very memorable morning!!!!! hancur hancur Israel, hidup hidup Palestine!!!!!!!

feel empty....no mood

2009-01-10T18:32:00.000-08:00

new semester already start for 2 weeks. in this 2 weeks i feel nothing and also doesn't have the mood 2 study. don't know why i feel like i looking for something but i dunno what it is. maybe i need someone 2 tell me what it is or i need 2 spend some time 2 figure it out. i also got a feel like i'm very useless in that moment. oh GOD!!!!! can u please send somebody 2 help me?? i always dunno where is my problem! i hope the person that really knew me will appear soon so that i will not such in a trouble.. where are u?? are u already stand beside me?? huh....

that day got 1 of my friend ask me are my heart still pain or not, and at that time i said "no"...

but she didn't believe it...i have nothing to say at that moment.

but after that i realize that i still got a bit hurt even now i writing this thing,i still feel like wan to cry it out but i cannot.."maybe it is because i listen to sad song so i feel like wanna cry" i think it is a very normal reaction 2 everyone coz don't want to let people to see our tears..hahaha...

now i start 2 miss my mum and dad at my hometown. dunno why this time i will got such a feel.

maybe is worry about them at there coz nobody will remind them to do this and that.. and the time when i always scold them(not a good daughter ho).

i miss u so much!!! hope u people will very fine at there!

hope i will find out my study mood very soon!!!! and it is better if got people can scold me so that i will wake up early 2 concentrate at my study and not playing around so much!!!!

GAMBATEH!!!!!!!

crying heart

2009-01-02T06:19:00.000-08:00

heart,

what can cause our heart crying?

how does it feel when our heart were crying?

is it more hurt than the tears came out from our eyes when we sad?

when our heart will cry?

in morning,noon,or midnight?

exactly got how many people in this world will really feel their heart were crying...

and...

how long does it take to forget this feel?

in 1 hour,1 days,1 months,1 year,or more than that?

it's really difficult to breath when your heart were crying...

it seem like u want to kill yourself to avoid the sadness

it is more sad when your heart were cry, but nobody will know it although the one who standing,sit or sleep beside you.....