nite dream

this few day, every nite when sleep, i start on dreaming... this really scare me...because i never continuously dreaming every night before.. dreaming is not bad cz some of d dream is wat i wan, but d worse thg is dream of the situation that i dun wan to see o happen on me...this made me feel uncomfortable... dunno is happy o sad...coz i dream of d thing that i cant find d answer until now..but in d dream....it told me da answer.. when i wake up, i sudd blur a while...thn i just can told myself "it's just simply a dream...dun think too much on it".. but d answer is wat i expected before this,just me myself dun wan to let go.. but start from now...i start to learn d word "LET GO".... just like my fren told me d...if there is d time to forget a thing, thn u should learn how to let it go... dun buried it in ur heart..this will burden ur heart..

i remember wat my fren say..but i just need time...when think bout d dream, n try accept it i feel very sad n wanna cry.....but cnt cz dun wan to let ppl worry wat happen to me...i will try to b brave to handle d thg...

after discussion.....

haha......about d topic tat discuss b4 this....
fren....
gt ppl asking me..."hw much will u care bout ur fren?"
i answered that person," i care bout each of thm very much, especially those who had become my best fren o those gt a place in my heart".. but i add up,"bcoz i too care bout thm, whn thy din care bout me i will very sad..this is my weakness.."

for me...
i divided fren into 3 groups: normal frens, best fren and another is those fren that can become my listener..
every1 can be my frens n some of these fren will become my best fren after a time if i think thy suitable..but nt all can be a gud listener..nw...i just can say i still finding a gud listener although i oledi gt find one o 2..hahaha......

friends really important in my life..if dun hv friends, i dunno hw can i survive...friends is like air that can let me breath... tat's y i will very of those who really mean to me....so, if they do sth wrong o somethg tat hurt me, i will try my best to forgive them although it is very difficult..i really appreciate every little thg thy give me...but sometimes i found that, not every1 tat u treat thm good, thy will noe o appreciate it...TIS REALLY HURTS!! maybe i'm a selfish person..i need my fren cares me..especially my really2 good fren...dunno y...mayb i really scare of losing thm...SCARE BUT CANNOT SOUND IT OUT...

so whn i sometime moody maybe because of tis....so, i just wanna say sorry if i ever hurt u guys whn i'm moody..hahaha.....

but here is a question that me myself oso dunno wat is d ans...
there is a fren that u really care of..but sometimes when tis fren treat another fren good in front of u, u will feel very sad.. so, izit i'm jealousing o wat?????

anthr is just assume tis fren is a female fren, thn gt another male fren like wooing her, thn u feel very nervous n unhappy, wat does tis mean??? izit scare of losing a fren????

so...i hv many question bout frens topics....really need to learn hw 2 solve all this problems...really headache...

got 1 best fren of mine tat asking me after few yrs, "do u ever think of wat will happen after few yrs whn we graduate n strt wrking n having our own live n mayb stay at different places????" after that, tis fren say to me,"i'm scare" if i din remember wrongly..nw at here...i wanna tell tat fren of mine, i oso ever think of this b4 u asking me n my feeling same as urs too... cz u really really very important to me...wahahahaha...... but i really can say tat, i oso very scare of losing such a gud fren that oso a gud listener (although sometimes u r not)... i hope u noe who i refering to if u gt saw tis post...

that's all for tis time..hehe

come discuss...

today.....
suddenly a word 'friend' appears in my mind....
n when i was driving, my fren oso suddenly say 'tat is a fren should do'....
but this F R I E N D word keep troubling n spinning around my head after tat...
i keep asking myself....what kind of ppl can categorized as a friend, best friend or even buddies/sister.....
if a person tat u think is fren wat is d maximum thg tat thy can do it 4 u???? it comes same 2 best fren n buddies/sister....

so at here, i wanna ask somebody o u tat r seeing my blog nw....wat is d meaning of a fren n fren is 4 wat d???? i think every1 gt their own understanding of tis kind of relationship call friendship....
if u dun mind...thn can share with me....

n another question is about myself......
for u(who seing my blog now), wat do u think about me???? am i a gud fren, bestfren o sister????

just wanna noe wat ppl think of me although i owez say i din care hw the way others look at me o think of me....but nw i suddenly become so sensitive and wanna noe bout it.....hahahaha.......
mayb i just wanna noe wat kind of person am i in others ppl mind....hehe...

am i 'GOOD??? BAD???? NICE???? o others????' .........

.....

siting here in front of my laptop, doin nothing lol.....
owez feel very sien whn stay at hostel mostly after d dinner time!!!!
OMG!!!! WAT A STUPID WEIRD GAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

somethg is pushing me nw...but dunno wat...myb stress...hehe...i will never noe wat i am thinking day by day...haih...mayb someday i think i will push myself into trouble lol..mayb become "chee sin" oso gt d probability...

somebody can come n goyang me n made me clear of wat i wan d ma???? cz i think i really will goind crazy if continue lik think... every day lik nothing happen but in deeply in my heart lik gt a heavy stone on in making me very difficult to breath... especially when im alone o in d middle of nite....

plus more in malacce, dun hv any 1 suitable place 4 me 2 shout lol....i really miss my hometown MIRI so much...n my fren there tat can listen to wat im talking.. i ned a gud listener lo... i find tat it is hard to find a real,trustworthy and a gud listener fren....

bla bla bla...i oso dunno wat im writing nw...feel very complicated in my mind n heart...
SHIT!!!!!! wat a damn mind!!!!! so terrible feeling..... i goin to be crazy soon!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ps: don be a gud person to ppl n dun 2 to mind about ppl thinking of u o hw thy treat u lol.... tis will heart urself nia d.....so i wanna bcme a cruel person strt from nw......hahahahahahaahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahaha

"放开那些事与愿违 放开那些是是非非 转过身已走远.."

"不敢问却一直想问 你心里藏着什么人 不敢猜却一直想猜"

share a bit of my photo(2)

at miri........


celebrating rui yih's birthday at "sport cafe" a nice place....hehe

at "season ktv"@ banana's b'day

with anther leng lui='cactus'
yummy baked cheese rice....leeting!!! ur mouth really big la...hahaha

share a bit of my photo...(1)

my dear PIg jie jie....hehehe....is a very leng pig lo...hahahaha
miss da day went out wif her so much...although she owez bla bla bla....better thn silent...

jalan2 cari makan at malacca with a part of FKP's gals

with my anther sis...panda sis...hahahaha...
oppsss...dun say 2 loud...shhhh...


yeahhh....here comes d process gals....beauty,beauty n lastly cutie...hahaha




still gt many pic...hehe...to b continue d...hehe

who cares wat i feel...

if every1 say do u care bout some1's feeling, wat are the 1st thing that will occur in ur mind???? it seems lik a simple question that u can directly answer "yes,i got" or "nope,i doesn't care at all"....both of the answer will give a suspen to the ppl who ask u d question.

for me,i maybe will answer "does it a matter tat i care o not?? cz if i say care, there is very sure got someone will say tat "really??? why i never think so?" or "huh?? u will care about others feeling d meh???" mostly will heard a sentence lik tat.. ooh GOSH!!!! this is wat so ever call human thinking....

sometimes, when there is a time tat u really wanna show that u really care bout 1 person feeling but u will scare later u use the wrong way and this can cause mistake...so,it is a difficult choice to care o not care bout a person feelings...

there is another cases where u really care about a person feeling which when the person either in a happy o moody, u can c the situation n decide hw 2 communicate with thm.. but somehow, thy will dunno..bcz human are selfish..thy just think bout themselves is owez the right one n u r owez d wrong one. anther cases where, u care d person feeling, but the person owez will dunno wat r u feel right nw.. thy doesn't realize that u r happy, sad, o in trouble.. oh ya...mayb tis kind of situation can b analyze as the person not really treat u good n doesnot care on u at all...so u can just save ur time and energy from caring about such a person...just love urself a bit more....


that's is wat all i think until now...maybe i am also a very selfish person...i admit it...cz in this world who din selfish??? n i just can say tat take care of others ppl feeling really made a person so damn tired.. who can teach me bcme a really cool person???? hahaha.....
or my i ask a stupid n silly question????
" does there any ppl really care bout what i think until now?"


by d way, i think this song gt a few sentences that really say out wat i feel in this time......

“你让我一夜长大
见识到人性真假
想说的话找不到人说话
风静静吹着我的心 成流沙。。”

a nice song by desiree tan...

anger

all my feelings is in the unstable condition, i dunno since when it has started but sometimes i really cant control my emotion that i am anger of somethings.. but those anger i tried not to show it out to others.. so until nw just a few of ppl know it.. anger is really a scary things.opps!!! not things, but a feeling or just can said it as emotion that comes out from ur heart,mind and soul.
sometimes an anger of a person will makes the person looks scary. i thinks almost all the ppl will look very scary n fierce when its anger reach to the limit. so, how does it can be control??? haha...mayb by eating some ice cream to cool down ur mind b4 u doin sth wrong with ur anger....hahahaha...
so, every1 should noe hw 2 handle their anger b4 it getting worse including me... mayb i need some consultant from ppl to noe wat i am thinking about n teach me the rite way to go o do...hehe....
just a bit bored n childish feeling when writing this passage...

cnt sleep....insomia..

1st time: before this i just feel wanna somebody give me a hug in the morning... dunno y...just a sudd feel.... at nite, i told my roommate that at morning i suddenly wanna hug from ppl, thn she just ask me y???? i oso dunno... but at last b4 she go sleep, she giv me a hug...haha...although is just 4 a few seconds...but it's made me feel warmly, n safety i think... hahaha.....by de way, thanks 4 ur hug my dear roommate although made me bcme a pipe after that..hehe....but i feel nice...

2nd time: i just sleep 4 2 hours at noon n i though that i could sleep oso at nite cz i owez can sleep well although gt many thgs ned 2 solve...but tat day....something goin wrong on me.... at nite, i plan wanna sleep cz i feel tired...but whn i lay on my bed 4 about 20minutes, i felt that i cant sleep at all...thn i told my mate, she oso feel de same....but we also switch off the light n try to sleep...we just chating so tat can chat until tired but dunno y i sudd very emotional... mayb becoz of tis few weeks feel very sad n stress or watever.... tis is the longest time in my life tat my tears drop down uncontrolable until even i myself cnt stop it...i think it has remain until 1 hour lik tat... i try to ask myself to stop but it doesnt help although i tried to think of anythg more happy n relaxing situation... at last it stop n i feel very tired n my mate oso accompany me until my situation calm down although she sleep above me while i sitting below the double storybed... just feel 'paiseh' to her cz making she feel uncomfortable n accompany me the whole nite although she just asking 'are u ok oledi' n just quiet there without saying anythg....just thanks.....

anyway...
just hope i can try my best to be happy....hehe...
although i just try to cover my tears behind it....
hope any1 that i had been hurt by me when i doin sth o say sth will forgive my attitude during tis time...mayb just few ppl of it...hehehehe......

goodbye

27.02.10
am 01:04
receive call from dad...
saying that grandma already leave us..
to the place far away...
maybe reunion with grandpa...
nobody noe....
asking should i bac??
answer is no need...
just dun wear those red colour cloths....
ok...
hang up my phone...
nothing happen..
after few seconds.....
my tears suddenly fall out from my eyes while watching drama.....
crying even myself cant control it...
a few minutes pass by...
stop crying...
calm down...
but.....
still cant controll,
cry again....
this is the 2nd time longest crying in my life since the last time i cry....
just realize tat my feeling for my grandma after so many years until she leave us...
so dissapointed of myself....
just can say goodbye n enjoy ur journey at another place...
RIP to my beloved grandma...

= =

oledi past a week tat my grandma sick... all my family take turn to take care of her day n nite... i just can sit here n wait news frm my parents bout my grandma... she become weaker n weaker n tis few days..all my aunts still wanna quarrel in this situation... dunno hw is my grandma feeling whn she heard thy all quarrel at outside.. she even cnt talk, just can move her hand to show tat she wan o dun wan anythg when we ask her... really sad n feel unwell whn c her lik tat..
last nite, my mum just said tat my ah ma still ok cz thy all find the 'qi gong' master to help my ah ma....but, just now my mum call n said tat my ah ma has been send 2 emergency room at noon just now bcz of she condition bcme poorer n white bubbles came out frm her mouth... until now dunno hw is her condition... we all just can wait n cant do anythg... feel useless......
hope ah ma can be fine....

cny feeling...^ ^

finally finis exam before the holiday 4 CNY.... hehehehehe....
feel very happy n really,really,really very excited to wait the day of my flight to come!!!! cn go bac 2 visit my grandparents n all my lovely uncle n aunt...hehehe....and also my parents 2.....
just wanna 4gt everything in past n start a new memory n days in future!!!!!! yipeee!!!!! hope can really do so...hahaha
i wanna go 2 DAMAI BEACHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! hahaha...
wait 4 me to cum oo, damai beach...hahahahahaha......
all my frens in MIRI, haha.....tis is the 2nd yr u ppl dun hv chance cum my house to eat my mum de delicious food n cake again.....hahaha....nvm, wait ya!!!!! i try my best to go bac miri next yr!!!! so...... dun complain so much lo, n dun tooooooooo miss me.....hahahahahaha....... but better u ppl prepare angpow 4 me....hehehehe
love u all lo.......
HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR TO ALLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

miss??? missing???? just screaming!!!!!!!

if nw in ur heart u have the word miss sth o some1, i should say congrats to u... cz u have find some1 to miss....
but if u add the ing in miss, it becomes missing... missing??? tis means u missing some1 that oledi gone izit???
for me now, i dunno whether my heart is miss or oledi missing some1 that has oledi step into my heart n gone away just lik tat.. just can say that my heart nw gt a bit empty...hahaha
dun ask y, i just a strange feeling dunno since when it start...
just need somebody tat can really really care of me no matter in wat situation..mayb tis is the things tat all gals need.... cz.... i really scared tat tat my attitudes b4 bcome more bad than b4.. tis is bcz those fren around me also gt realize tat my emotion,EQ, oledi not hgh as b4.. dunno y... i also realize this b4.. but wat can i do??? wan find some1 tat really listen to my problem n tears in heart... but tat person really hard to find... if u say fren also can help... it is true, but ned to c wic kind of fren.. gt some just listen thn doesn't have any reaction o option o giving advice to u.. some of it was just hear n say u think too much, also gt those fren look lik very care of u but at the end they tell the other ppl about ur secret... that's y nt 100% all ur problem n secret can be share with fren.....
if u say family, i just can say tat dun bother thm too much...cz for them u already bigger and can handle all ur problem urself.. so....
anthr way is go some place that u can scream loudly as u can... hahahahaha...............
so....lets scream 2gthr at her.....
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!